With everyones posts about what they are thankful for this year it got me thinking…what am i thankful for? Who am i thankful for?
As i grow older, I’m learning the steps my parents took while starting out helped give me the opportunities that i have today. Because they paid for my college in full, i could buy my first home at 22 without ever having to rent. I could start off my life off debt free and stress free. I truly don’t think there is a bigger gift they could have given me. They have sacrificed so much since the day i was born. As i see friends struggle with loans and debts, my thankfulness for what they have done grows more and more.
I also can’t thank them enough for having a loving marriage of 29 years. My parents marriage gave me the courage to end a potential marriage mistake i was going to make. I can’t say i regret being engaged, we both learned a lot and left that relationship with the tools to succeed in a new relationship with a more fitting person.
My mom truly is my best friend. I watched her go through life with a lot of ups and downs. Having lost her mother when i was young, its taught me to enjoy every single day and moment i have with her. She is always there for me with advice, a hug, and the never ending love a mother has. I am forever in debt to her for that love she gives me everyday, whether I’m near or far. She was my biggest supporter of my weightloss surgery, has put up with countless boyfriends and passed on my true love of animals. She has showed me that friends will turn their backs on you, will say mean things and do malicious things but in the end, she is the one true best friend i have for eternity. I can count on her for endless advice on anything. I love her.
A lot of girls aren’t close with their fathers but i am not a lot of girls. My dad and i share such a unique bond. He has taught me so much over the years. How to fire a gun, gut a fish, if you fold your pants before putting them in the dryer they won’t wrinkle, but most of all, how a man should treat a woman. Watching my mom go through her surgeries years ago was hard. My dad was by her side, in sickness and in health. He has shown that not all men are assholes and i should be treated like a princess. My father is one of the most selfless men on this planet. He would give you the shirt off his back and always has something positive to say. Whenever i’m down he makes me laugh. I am so happy to have the same sense of humor as him. I don’t know who i would talk to about polish heritage, the holocaust, my love of WWII documentaries, our love of traveling and our love of labradors.
Thank you mom and dad. For everything you do. Everything you’ve done and everything you will do. I am forever thankful.
I am so excited to announce the launch of our website! Check it out and shop us now!!!
Can my smile get any bigger??? I have alot to smile about these days! An awesome boyfriend, a new house on the way but most of all I lost 100 lbs! Yup thats right, 100 lbs! Still can’t believe it either! August 18th will be 8 months out from my surgery and i already beat my goal for the one year mark! My goal was to lose 70lbs the first year! Now my goal is to be a size 8 before Christmas! The last time i was a size 8 i think i was age 8. So much has changed for me and as i sit and reflect, i cant help but wonder, what took me so long to have this surgery? I go to my closet every morning smiling because i get to put together a cute outfit to wear. My weight loss not only shows physically but people can see how truthfully happy i am now. My smile on my face is no longer painted on but worn proudly. I hold my head up high walking into rooms and when i consign clothing for clients I can actually pick through things and find sizes that fit me!
If anyone is on the fence about surgery or making a life change, don’t be. I told myself that i can stay miserable my entire life and be comfortable or i can take a risk, put myself out there and be the happiest girl alive. January 18th was the day that forever changed me and i cant thank God enough for that!
Cheers to an amazing summer i’ve had so far!
Thursday July 18th Marked my 6 month anniversary since Surgery! I cannot believe in 6 months how much my life has changed! Everything i used to love and enjoy i can now do again, including golf This dress is so special to me. I bought it about 6 years ago, hoping to one day fit into it. Now that day is here! A size 20 to a size 12! 90 lbs!!!!
I figured it was time to write a post about all the changes that have happened over the past few months.
To set the record straight, yes, Randy and I ended our engagement. We both realized that to continue on and fix things would only mask the deeper issues our relationship had. We just grew apart. Nothing less, nothing more. It happens. I’m only 23 years old. Randy and I still remain good friends and we have no hard feelings towards each other. We realized that we are happy to have figured this out now and not after we got married. I hope people can be respectful of that and realize that its no one else’s business but our business as to what happened and what we both go on to do with our lives.
60 LBS. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT????
I cannot believe I am sitting here, 3 months out saying that. 60 lbs. I keep saying it over and over to myself. I feel strong, proud, accomplished, healthy but most of all…free. Free from the struggles and control food had over my life. No one truly understands the daily struggles and hardships I had. Tasks like getting dressed were embarrassing, doing my hair and makeup was “pointless” and I rarely made plans with friends or family because of my weight. I was embarrassed by who I had become. I was the person people pointed and stared at. The person I had feared of becoming.
It’s a weird feeling to be held captive in your own body. Food was my dictator and the weight the scars. My schedule, my mood, my life…all were based around eating and food. I would wake up at night thinking about food. I would drive to McDonalds at 1am to get a late night snack. I was spiraling out of control, nothing could stop me. I tried everything. Personal trainers, weight watchers, nutrisystem, acupuncture, even a hypnotist. I was put on medications to control my eating which only made me depressed. It was a vicious cycle of pills and emotions. Finally something had to give. Something had to go. In May of 2012 i decided that the weight had to go. I had to find myself and figure out who was hiding.
Surgery… This was my last option i told myself. My blood pressure and cholesterol were TERRIBLE. I was a candidate for diabetes. What had happened in these past years? What happened to the skinny lil girl in elementary school? I had spent countless nights crying myself to sleep because i couldn’t stand the sight of myself in the mirror. I could feel the fat dripping down my face. It was pure agony, my only escape was to sleep or eat. I would lay in bed night after night, tossing and turning because i was so heavy. I never had a solid nights sleep, often staying up at nights till 3am…eating. I threw myself into building up my business. I was disgusting, a slob, an embarrassment. Not only was i embarrassed of being fat but being a fat fiancé. My fiancé is the most amazing man in the world. He loved me at my heaviest and he will love me at my skinniest. He doesn’t care about outward appearance but my weight had taken a toll on our relationship. I would look for fights so i could blame myself and find a reason other than being fat why he shouldn’t be with me. I hated going out with his friends and their girlfriends because i was the fattest one in the group. I felt like everyone was staring at me, judging me. Eyes just piercing into my fat stomach. I would often shy away from these types of social situations, coming up with excuses why i couldn’t attend. Ashamed i would stay at home…and eat.
I could eat all day long and never feel hungary. Yes i had my thyroid checked. Yes i had to do fasts and a great deal of blood work. My brain and my stomach had never met. I think when God made me he forgot to hook those two up. I had an endless pit that could never be satisfied. Craving after craving couldn’t quiet the vexation that lived inside me. Imagine living your life, day after day, being controlled by food. Everything you do revolves around food. Social situations, work, your survival…all based around food.
Most addicts can remove themselves from their addiction environment. My addiction was needed 3 times a day and was everywhere I went. A constant nudging and bad little voice. I was exhausted after doing the littlest thing. It took all my mental energy to avoid eating. But it never worked.
I felt like Regina George in mean girls… “Sweatpants are all that fit me right now”. Cause truthfully, they were. In my mind I thought if I didn’t buy bigger clothes I couldn’t get bigger. Enough was enough I told myself. This had to stop. I will stop this.
And stop it I did.
I only told my parents, fiancé and best friend Natalie about my surgery. I was scared to tell people because I thought what if it didn’t work?? Would I be fat AND a failure? I can’t have that. People judge weight loss surgery as an “excuse” and the “lazy way out”. I thought people would judge me for that. I was scared. Scared of disappointment and being stuck at that weight forever. I attended support group meetings and quickly got my nerves in check. Here were people just like me. They didn’t judge, they didn’t see my weight. They saw Amanda.
January 18th, 2013…the day my life changed forever. I still remember waking up from surgery, groggy and in pain but so excited. My first day at home was tough. I had a raised toilet seat to help cause I couldn’t bend after my surgery. My gut had 6 incision sites. My dad put it on but not all the way so I was home 10 minutes and fell face first into the floor. I truly have never wanted to lie down and die anymore than I did at that moment! LOL. I spent the week at my parent’s house. It was hard to do stairs and since we live on the 3rd floor, my parent’s house made sense. Plus I could be with my Kezar all day and have my parents there at night to help.
After about a week I started feeling better. I stopped taking vicodin the day I got home from the hospital. I was actually driving and out and a bout 9 days after surgery. VERY RARE. But I had a business to run and things to do :D Granted my trips only lasted about 1 hr. I was so weak. I went from eating 3000+ calories a day to about 300. No joking there folks. You are on liquids for a week, then 2 weeks on puddings and mush etc. It takes 8 weeks to fully get back to “normal” eating. The hardest thing was one week out of surgery I weighed myself. I had gained 3 lbs. It was the worst thing in my life I ever saw. GAINED WEIGHT. I had done this gastric bypass surgery to LOSE weight! Randy took the scale away and I wasn’t allowed to weigh myself. One week later, down 20lbs! COMPLETE SHOCK! It was working! Finally!
The next months were very hard. I was hospitalized for dehydration. My stomach is now so small that a glass of water makes me FULL. You have to schedule eating and drinking. It was so hard! If I didn’t, I would get sick and throw up because my stomach would be to full.1 month to the day I flew down to Florida for 2 weeks. It was so hard. I couldn’t eat out at restaurants; my portions were about 1oz-2oz of food. The size of a shot glass. I was starting to constantly throw up. Something that is very common. I would eat 2 bites of something and get very sick. It still happens now because my eyes are bigger than my stomach but habits are forming and now it doesn’t happen as often.
Fast Forward 3 months to 60lbs. Amazing. I can’t believe what 60lbs has done for me. It’s made getting in and out of my car easier. I can put on a seatbelt without having to move my saddlebags out of the way. I can go shopping in a regular store. I can wear the couture designers that I have been selling for the past year. I walk by a mirror and stop, happy. I go out with friends and take pictures. There’s no such thing now as a “bad picture”. It can’t get any worse than I was. Taking the stairs no longer requires a nap afterwards. Riding my bike doesn’t feel like the elephant at the circus riding one. I get up and actually get dressed for the day. No more PJ’s. In 3 months I have yet to experience a “fat day”. I no longer hide but make myself known. I command attention everywhere I go. I’m not embarrassed of myself but proud. I am proud of my surgery. I have become the person I knew I was. My outside now matches my insides and the journey is only just beginning. My goal is to lose 50 more lbs. In 3 months I am already half way through my 110lbs weight loss goal.
I can’t thank my parents and Natalie enough. You guys have helped me through every step of this journey. You have guided me, helped me and comforted me. You made me realize I’m beautiful at any weight but its not until you find happiness with yourself that you will find it in life. For the first time in a LONG time I can 100% look in the mirror and say “I love who I am. I’m proud of who I am. I am happy”.